It is often said raising children is a very hard and time-consuming experience. However, it doesn’t actually have to be that hard, nor does it have to take up that much time. Now don’t get me wrong having children is a lot more difficult than not having children. One of the biggest factors why many people choose not to have kids or limit the amount that they have is that in today’s world, it’s viewed as something very difficult, and time-consuming. Requiring a lot of effort from the parents.
However, how difficult it is I suspect has a lot to do with the parent’s method of raising their children. One of the things I noticed when I watch shows like, Super Nanny where these parents have such a hard time with their children is that they really don’t have a clue on how to raise their own children. Often resorting to yelling, threats and even the use of physical violence on children (spanking). Only to have the nanny use very simple things that require very little effort and time to achieve far better results.
It still requires effort some effert on the parent’s part. However, if you’re doing things right as a parent, you shouldn’t feel overwhelmed. Things should almost seemed to come easy. Unfortunately, many parents don’t want to hear that their parenting style is wrong. I know this firsthand.
I’ve often told parents that they’re doing a horrible job of raising their kids. Well I do it with more tact, anyways. And they almost immediately become defensive. Because, often they themselves were raised in the same or similar way. And they don’t want to here they are doing it wrong or take a little effort now out of their day today, not knowing that by tomorrow ( figuratively speaking) that will require less effort than what they are putting in with the current parenting style method.
Let’s face it, most people are ill-equipped to be a good parent. Most people think that a child’s behavior when he gets older is a result of how strict and tough you are on the kid, or how lenient and loving you on him are her. Unaware that the biggest factor actually is genetics. Ultimately, the parent’s job is just to get them through childhood. Their genetics will do most of the work for them when they get older.
Unfortunately, many of these parents will continue using the same parenting method or at least a similar parenting method as their own parents. Thinking because they turned out okay (thanks to genetics), and all it took was a lot of being yelled at, or physically assaulted by their own parents to turn them around. Have you ever watched the television series called “16 and pregnant”? These parenting styles are passed on from one generation to another. The mom thinks she turned out fine some times. However, when she looks at her kid, she can’t figure out why her daughter is turning out why she is the way she is. Disobedient, getting into trouble, using drugs and even getting pregnant. All while having so much difficulty controlling their daughters.
The primary reason for this difficulty is their parenting style, there left clueless. But, thoughs of us who are watching from the outside, find ourselves screaming at the television saying things like “no wonder she’s getting pregnant at 16.” Or things like, “no wonder she’s sneaking out and doing drugs.”
We can see it from the outside. However, they don’t seem to see it from the inside. Nor do they probably even want to hear that their parenting style is not working. And that their job is so much harder because of it. One thing I think a lot of people need to do is take a step back, and actually ask other parents, parents who make raising children look easy, what they think of their own parenting style. Ask them for suggestions and tips. Try to mimic their parenting style. Ask them to go to their house and just observe them. You’d be surprised.
However, ultimately, the difficulty of a parent has, is not because they have a difficult child but is because their parenting style makes it difficult. So if you find being a parent to be hard, try changing things up in the way you raise them. Because if you are doing it right it should feel fairly easy (most of the time).